Category Archives: Culture

Can We Be A Teeny Bit Realistic Here?

I wrote this article some time ago in response to the big, big, huuuuge news that a famous rich guy threatened to grab a woman’s vagina.  My shock about the statement was not so much that a famous, rich guy would say such an uncouth thing, but that people all over the world would be so completely immobilized by it. I’m no cream puff when it comes to insults and shock value and I get that the media needs, thrives on, and seeks out the most salacious tidbits of life in order to gain viewers/readers and thereby cash in on advertising dollars, but the intensity of the (faux?) shock set me back a bit. Exactly where do these delicate, tender souls live?  In a convent?

I get it.  Famous rich guys who assume they can have their way with women are insulting, presumptuous, and boring.  Left unchecked, they can be dangerous. My own shock over the whole thing, however,  is that after years and years of changing the landscape for women, teaching empowerment, raising girls to be strong, independent, and basically allowing them to write their own script when it comes to goals and aspirations, there remains such a large contingent of trembling, ready-made victims.

Either way.  I know this article may lose me some readers, offend a handful of my friends, and possibly, outright piss off some people I like a lot. I also assume women my age will nod and think back to some of the horrendous treatment we received because of our vaginas. I’m posting it anyway. Then, I’m off to kickboxing class. I refuse to be afraid


butterflyIf you define sexual assault as a man who says he wants to grab your Pu**y, you’re either stupid or you’ve never survived an actual sexual attack by an actual predator.  It’s way different. Trust me. I go back and forth between feeling offended by your careless disregard for the Real Thing to feeling sorry for you for being so deeply, completely, absolutely, and in several cases, willfully stupid.

Being overpowered by brute force or blind obedience to authority and then violently raped or sexually violated just has a whole different kind of feeling than hearing some asshole talk about grabbing a vagina.  At least in my way of thinking.

Truth be told, and I’m sure I’m not alone here, I’ve had men tell me—up close and personal—that they’d like to grab my various reproductive/potty parts. My reaction to the shocking statement(s) depended on many variables, including but not limited to, my age, my level of intoxication, my mood at that moment, how fat I thought I was at the time, and no less important a consideration, whether the awkward oaf was a viable candidate for later consideration. Rainy day planning and whatnot. Continue reading

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Look at all that Traffic! Where’s Everybody Going??

In recent months I’ve developed an internal debate about what it is I’m looking for on social media sites.

Each morning, shortly after getting out of bed, I open the Facebook app on my phone. It’s gradually become part of my wake-up routine and yes, that means I’m reading about my friends’ family dramas and favorite brownie recipe as I sit on the porcelain throne.

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Dear Gymnastics—ER—Dance Instructor

Dear gymnastics/dance instructor,

I am writing you an extra-long letter to pay you back for the three hours you stole from me last evening. 20151030_153732

I want you to know it is an hour’s drive round-trip from my house to your Big Performance auditorium.  That’s four hours total when you add the drive time to your three hour recital. This figure doesn’t even include the dress-rehearsal earlier in the day so add another hour for my daughter. We’re talking about a five hour event to watch our little gymnast on stage for less than three minutes—not counting the fifteen minute awards program where she received a mini-chocolate bar. If you could just let this sink in for three hours I’m sure you’d see why I’m a little pissed off.  Continue reading

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