Category Archives: Entertained

TBT: Swimming With The Fishes

I haven’t written anything I can publish for public consumption lately but I came across a photo I promised to share with Sir Ozzy a long time ago.

It’s a photo of me fishing with my Uncle Joe a thousand years ago in the Florida Keys.  Joe was my dad’s brother, the two of them formidable members of the Fighting Bell Boys and along with the third member of this obscure but infamous trio, is retired to the great beyond. At least two of the Fighting Bell Boys are remembered with some measure of fondness.  My father isn’t one of those.

The boat was rumored to be owned by Jimmy Hoffa (uncle Joe had connections, he told me).  I ate a  raw shrimp on a dare that day.  All sailors eat raw shrimp, the fishermen told me. Looking back I realize it was just another cruel joke I fell for in my youth – never one to pass up a challenge of my grit and determination to fit in… somewhere.

I don’t have bad memories of this particular trip – it’s all part of the strange texture of my life.

fishing1

Be sure to check out Sir Ozzy’s blog for fun stories about his travels.

**I forgot to add that I caught several of those fish on the table there.  My stomach was black and blue the  next day from the fishing pole.**

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“Other” Lane Discovered in Leavenworth County

 

screamerLeavenworth County, Kan. –Reports early Saturday afternoon indicate unusual behavior for drivers headed south on Kan. Highway 7, just outside of Lansing, Kansas.  Several witnesses called the station with similar reports of Leavenworth County (LvCo) drivers operating vehicles while in the right-hand lane as they traveled south on the highway.

One witness said she saw several southbound LvCo drivers gripping the steering wheel, “…(they were) white-knuckled, with expressions of abject terror on their faces.  A passenger in one car had her eyes covered with her hands and appeared to be screaming,” the witness said.  “I’ve never in my life seen a driver from Leavenworth County driving in the right-hand lane.  It was terrifying.”

Another witness reported that at least one driver in the left lane was gesturing wildly to the drivers in the right lane to get back over to the “normal” driving lane. The driver was screaming, “What are you doing over there?” the witness said. Continue reading

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Local News on Social Media: Big Fail

I watched a local news program this morning.  The news actors reminded viewers to ‘like and follow’ them on social media sites because watching them on television is not painful enough.   Plus, following them on Facebook and Twitter guarantees viewers won’t miss a single glimpse into the clever personalities they have worked so hard to create for us.

To make the news feeds even more fun, social media news managers occasionally add yummy recipes and tidbits on how to properly raise kids or how to stay warm when it’s cold outside. I mean these people are just downright essential to fans all over the metro area. I’m not sure how I even function without them.  Local news is not just the news anymore.

About the time I posted this piece last year is when I stopped following my local news stations on social media. I don’t have the self-control to avoid making snarky comments for which I am violently thrashed and beaten nearly to death by fans of the station.  It’s not that I care much what the rocket scientists news fans think of me personally but it is a nuisance to wake up in the morning with 57 notifications–52 of which are hate-filled comments about my remark.  Several of the comments come from the news actors themselves demanding to know my qualifications for not liking them.   As my friends in Texas say, the juice just ain’t worth the squeeze anymore.

BREAKING NEWS:

KCTV666: Grab a tissue readers because this next story is relly, relly sad. A real tragedy. Okay, so a guy was walking down a street in the metro and he did something relly mean to another guy walking on the same street. Cops were called and we are waiting for more details. I’ve been crying all day!! Should people be allowed to be relly mean to others on the same street? Keep the comments nice please!

42,000 likes 18,000 shares

Continue reading

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Me, Me, Me. A Verbal Selfie

Writers, from all accounts that I’ve found, are often stumped about what to write on their blogs. There’s no shortage of blogging going on in the universe, that’s for sure, but writers generally have a specific kind of writing they want to do.

Some bloggers offer helpful hints and inspiration. Tons of bloggers, certainly some of my favorites, share recipes and cooking tips. Some tell funny stories. Some are funnier than others. Some can barely spell but they have something important to say and they manage to get it out there on that massive information highway. Wordes, wrds, words. It’s all good, as my kids used to say.

Lots and lots of bloggers reveal personal information about their lives, their romantic breakups, their pets. They write touching stories about their children or parents or fighting their way back from illness or some other kind of challenge. These aren’t all writers, necessarily, but they’re bloggers. They want to share something with the world. A piece of themselves.

Then there are bloggers who write about blogging. It’s a business for some folks. I haven’t figured out how they make money at it, at least not on WordPress but a few of them are hugely successful at it.

My favorite bloggers are those who are able to bring together elements from each category and draw me in with compelling ideas and fascinating perspectives about their lives—or about all life.

I recently started this networking blog, separate from my writing blog and I commented to a fellow blogger that I wasn’t sure what to write about on it. His answer resonated with me:

Write your world for us. No one sees it like you do 🙂

And, he’s right. I’m sure I’d be locked up for a long time if anybody knew what really goes on in my head. My kids have told me for years what a weirdo I am. I’m okay with that. I like my life. While I spend most of my time alone, I’m not a hermit or a recluse and I don’t have phobias and I’m not anti-people. Necessarily.

I love people. In fact, I don’t know anybody else who loves people like I do. I love deeply and usually forever, I’m just not needy about it. I even love people who don’t love me back. Sure, there are plenty of folks in my life that I don’t love and I even have strong feelings of dislike with regard to a few people. I’d still put them out if they were on fire.

Whaaaattt???

I am what I am ..

That’s not to say I am some kind of Pollyanna because I’m certainly not. One of my

husband’s cousins once called a me sailor and at first it so enraged me that I thought for a minute that I wouldn’t put him out if he were on fire. I calmed down and accepted that that’s just how he sees me and I supposed that there must be a reason he sees me like that. Either way. It’s all good.

So, taking the advice of my blogger friend I’ve decided to share a kind of day in the life of story about myself. Me, me, me. It’s like a verbal selfie. It is, more accurately, only a few minutes in the life of story. My actual days go on and on sometimes. It might be best described as an expose of my boomer vanity. A split-second snapshot of my own private insanity. I should probably be embarrassed but I’m not. Maybe it will resonate with other readers and writers who mostly love people and definitely love life. If it’s not well-received, I’m okay with that too. This is my life. I like it a lot.

It might help to read my short introduction, Another Introduction to understand that I’m old but I’m not a grey-haired old granny. I don’t want to be young again but I miss certain parts of my youth. Looking younger would be nice. I only worry about it in short snippets though, because again, I’m vain, but I’m happy.

For a peek inside 30 minutes of my day, take a look.

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Another Introduction

I find it impossible to introduce myself in writing to strangers, telling them a little bit about me in a way that helps them understand who I am. I worry about the  image my self-description creates.

knit

WTF?

I’m certainly not a gray-haired granny knitting booties from a rocker but I do have nine grandchildren. I don’t knit, though. I try it every couple of years. My fingers are too fat. The work is mindless. The instructions are the stuff of metaphysical science and I can’t understand them.

Continue reading

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Throwback Friday: Nothing Much has Changed

Just don't

Just don’t

I stumbled on this old blog post from a few years ago and it reminded me of when I first figured out what WP Award Memes are all about.  It marks the beginning and the end of my interest in them.

I decided to repost it because the memory made me smile.  Thinking back on my poor, frustrated husband, his constant confusion about what drives me and makes me tick has morphed into a kind of disgusted acceptance.  Continue reading

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Local News on Social Media: Big Fail

BREAKING NEWS:

KCTV666: Grab a tissue readers because this next story is relly, relly sad. A real tragedy. Okay, so a guy was walking down a street in the metro and he did something relly mean to another guy walking on the same street. Cops were called and we are waiting for more details. I’ve been crying all day!! Should people be allowed to be relly mean to others on the same street? Keep the comments nice please!

42,000 likes 18,000 shares
Continue reading

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I’m Hangry. Please Don’t Jack Around

WARNING:  I’m a big fan of foul language. The following post includes a pinch of spicy and green leafy cuss words. Please avoid this article if you have delicate sensibilities.recipes1

 

Dear Foodie Blogger,

For the love of God, please choose  – preferably in the advanced planning stages before launching your wonderful new blog, whether you are a storyteller, photographer, or, and this is a big one…a fucking cook.  Because here’s the thing:  YOUR BLOG CAN’T BE ALL THREE.  At least not very well.  And definitely not if you want me to subscribe and tell all my friends about it.

I get it.  I know what you are trying to do.  I’ve seen it done well but not often, and not unless you can legitimately add graphic artist to your resume and know how to skillfully design a page with photos of sumptuous food logically arranged around the ACTUAL RECIPE IN A READABLE FORMAT. That’s a lot of work for the average Foodie blogger.  Try not to get too fancy about it.  If you don’t pay a large staff to do everything except the cooking, just post the recipe with a few photos of the finished product. Really. That’s all you need. If you absolutely must write a 17-paragraph narrative about the recipe, maybe do it after you’ve posted the ingredients and cooking directions.  A couple of people will be interested.  Not me but maybe some others.

I love and enjoy each of these specific blog genres  – storytelling, photography and cooking –  but when combining them, if they each carry equal weight, what you end up with is a blog that is, at first glance, big and beautiful and envy-inducing, “Oh my God I wish my hot dogs looked this pretty!”  On further inspection, however,  when I’m trying to find the actual recipe, if the blog becomes complicated and confusing because I’m spending way too many of my expensive minutes searching and scrolling and clicking and pressing arrows to find the F&(*ing  ingredients or oven temp, you’ve lost me in a mad fury. Continue reading

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Versatile Blogger? Like, Verbally Flexible?

Yay! I Win!

I don’t actually think I can do this.   But, since I was honored by a ‘mention’ and therefore nominated for an award and because I  pretty much like to pay it forward and backward, I’m gonna’ try .  Thank you Brandon, aka music.unrenowned.

While I am not new to blogging or writing exactly, I am new to WordPress (again) and new to looking for an audience.  I have always written because I wanted to and if a reader stumbled on my work and liked it- well… let’s be honest.. it’s like a drug.  So, I have recently reached out to other bloggers to find out what people are writing.   And reading.

I discovered Tenbrokenrecords in my wanderings.  I am old enough to be everybody’s grandmother so I come from a place of great exposure, if not experience with  music.  Landing on Brandon’s page was a treat.   My favorite aspect of the blog is that its author is open to, and even requests content ideas and new bands and music to expose and critique.  Bravo, Brandon.  The site design is nice and weekly tweaking is fun to watch.   Besides all that, turns out Brandon is a nice guy and I have taken an interest in his school progress.

Okay.  I’m gonna play this.  When I saw the email on my phone this morning about being ‘nominated’

Typical rolltop desk

Mine’s bigger

for a WP award..well, I’m embarrassed to say I cut short my usual morning routine and nearly tripped on the ill-placed (but quite attractive) throw rug between the dining room and kitchen, where my old and rarely  trusty laptop mostly sleeps on the (old) over-sized roll top desk  (which takes up too much space in my kitchen but again, is quite attractive).   I forced myself to resist running upstairs where my actual PC thrives and hums and always works like an ‘effing charm because I have a fear of jinxing all-things-good by getting too excited and thinking that  maybe something good is about to happen.

In the three or so seconds it took me to race into the kitchen and plop into the ratty (but comfortable) rolling chair I had already dismissed any possibility that I had read the email correctly.  As I landed in the chair, however, I began an urgent coaxing and begging and making little deals in my mind with God  (please, please, please  let this be one of the times this POS laptop isn’t battling some scripting error).  I logged into WP to accept my nomination and thank, profusely, my nominator, Brandon.

I read Brandon’s nomination post and saw my blog link on his list of nominees and I thought, okay, this is great.  This is good.  This is.. pretty good.  Well.  This is, um.  So…. when is the winner picked?  How will I know?  Who are the judges?  What’s the deal here?

At about this moment in my cautious and slowly diffusing excitement, my husband, feigning indifference, ambled past the desk toward the coffee pot.  He’s been pissed at me for about six weeks now (his fault) and I have responded with resolute apathy.  But, I could not resist:  “I was nominated for a writing award on WordPress!”  His reaction was genuine.  He was excited for me (for a second) and I’m a bitch but I’m not evil so I felt properly guilty  (for a second).    I shrugged off the excitement and guilt and he remembered he was pissed and ambled back outside to poke around and do whatever it is he does out there when he’s pissed and trying to ignore me.

So, left alone in my ratty chair I did some poking of my own.  What is this ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ thing anyway?  I found a forum (thank you TimeThief) and got the deets.  I got the 411.  I got the skinny.  Okay (sorry), yeah, I figured it out.  I put the laptop to sleep and brushed my teeth and got on with my day.  But I was amped a little.  I’m in sales.  I know marketing.  But still… I was nominated.  And no, I did not tell my angry husband that there is no chance I am actually winning any actual trophy or anything.

Brandon

Big Project

I worked on my Big-Back-Yard-Project and having determined The Project is one of the numerous reasons my husband is pissed, decided to enlist his help on the heavy lifting and electric tool portion of the job.    He did the work without suggesting the correct (his) way to do the thing- which had to be excruciating for him – and he generally wallowed in the ‘I’m a big fucking martyr’ role all day and I found I rather enjoyed it.  I, after all, had been nominated for a writing award.

Back at the laptop (which appears to be at peace with all incoming scripts),  I debated whether I would continue with the award meme (yes, I looked it up.  It’s a real word).  I clicked on Brandon’s other blog nominees. I found some I liked. I checked out some of their blogrolls and found even more blogs I liked.  On one of the blogs I liked,  the author, Selah Aran,  invited her readers to write her a real letter.. with paper.. and a stamp, which I did.  It is still sitting on my desk with a stamp on it but I am going to mail it.   I subscribed to her blog and a few others.    I made some comments and ‘liked’ a few.  Some of them looked back at my blog.  I got a couple of  ‘likes’ on my posts.  And comments.   So. Yeah.  I win.

As for the seven things about me.. do I have to?  I’m not really in to that.. besides, there are at least seven suggestions about me in the above blog post.  Assume anything you wish.  Clearly, I can tolerate being ignored, not liked, not appreciated, endlessly nagged and all my faults pointed out constantly –  oh, wait- that’s not you –  either way.. I’m not that interesting.   I prefer to tell you the reasons I am nominating the following blogs:

  • unremarkablecontradictions: Dry. Witty. Succinct. Funny.
  • Beetches Love This Site: I don’t know why this site makes me laugh.  I raised girls.
  • Neva Paints: Hilarious.  Smart. A work in progress but the blog posts are funny.
  • Searing Education:  Health.  Spirituality (not religion).
  • Shenanigans:   Random anger and humor.
  • FML:  Not really a blog but it makes me laugh
  • Burk Krohe:  Good writing.  A little uptight and always grammatically excellent but pokes enough fun of himself to make it interesting and ..funny.
  • The Gypsy Paints: More of Neva Paints.. funny..
  • Brainrants: Funny, funny.. is there a pattern here?
  • Lisakusko: Funny and informative. There.. I do have a brain..
  • Talker96: I’m not really sure what the deal is here but I kept reading and reading.. it was.. yeah, funny.  And for some reason I like that guy..
  • Flehman Response: .. yeah.. funny..
  • I just can’t do this anymore.. It’s nearly 2:30 AM and tomorrow is punkin’ patch day.  10 is plenty.  It has taken me a week to write this and find ten blogs I would actually read here.. not that there aren’t plenty of good blogs.. but I’m busy .. and since WP won’t allow click ads I still have to work sometimes.. So that’s it.  Here are the rules if you should decide to play along.. thanks again, Brandon..

If you choose to accept the award, the following are the rules:

1.  Thank the person who shared the award with you by linking back to them in your post.

2.  Pass this award to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know that you included them in your blog post.

3.  List 7 things about yourself.
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