Category Archives: funny

Versatile Blogger? Like, Verbally Flexible?

Yay! I Win!

I don’t actually think I can do this.   But, since I was honored by a ‘mention’ and therefore nominated for an award and because I  pretty much like to pay it forward and backward, I’m gonna’ try .  Thank you Brandon, aka music.unrenowned.

While I am not new to blogging or writing exactly, I am new to WordPress (again) and new to looking for an audience.  I have always written because I wanted to and if a reader stumbled on my work and liked it- well… let’s be honest.. it’s like a drug.  So, I have recently reached out to other bloggers to find out what people are writing.   And reading.

I discovered Tenbrokenrecords in my wanderings.  I am old enough to be everybody’s grandmother so I come from a place of great exposure, if not experience with  music.  Landing on Brandon’s page was a treat.   My favorite aspect of the blog is that its author is open to, and even requests content ideas and new bands and music to expose and critique.  Bravo, Brandon.  The site design is nice and weekly tweaking is fun to watch.   Besides all that, turns out Brandon is a nice guy and I have taken an interest in his school progress.

Okay.  I’m gonna play this.  When I saw the email on my phone this morning about being ‘nominated’

Typical rolltop desk

Mine’s bigger

for a WP award..well, I’m embarrassed to say I cut short my usual morning routine and nearly tripped on the ill-placed (but quite attractive) throw rug between the dining room and kitchen, where my old and rarely  trusty laptop mostly sleeps on the (old) over-sized roll top desk  (which takes up too much space in my kitchen but again, is quite attractive).   I forced myself to resist running upstairs where my actual PC thrives and hums and always works like an ‘effing charm because I have a fear of jinxing all-things-good by getting too excited and thinking that  maybe something good is about to happen.

In the three or so seconds it took me to race into the kitchen and plop into the ratty (but comfortable) rolling chair I had already dismissed any possibility that I had read the email correctly.  As I landed in the chair, however, I began an urgent coaxing and begging and making little deals in my mind with God  (please, please, please  let this be one of the times this POS laptop isn’t battling some scripting error).  I logged into WP to accept my nomination and thank, profusely, my nominator, Brandon.

I read Brandon’s nomination post and saw my blog link on his list of nominees and I thought, okay, this is great.  This is good.  This is.. pretty good.  Well.  This is, um.  So…. when is the winner picked?  How will I know?  Who are the judges?  What’s the deal here?

At about this moment in my cautious and slowly diffusing excitement, my husband, feigning indifference, ambled past the desk toward the coffee pot.  He’s been pissed at me for about six weeks now (his fault) and I have responded with resolute apathy.  But, I could not resist:  “I was nominated for a writing award on WordPress!”  His reaction was genuine.  He was excited for me (for a second) and I’m a bitch but I’m not evil so I felt properly guilty  (for a second).    I shrugged off the excitement and guilt and he remembered he was pissed and ambled back outside to poke around and do whatever it is he does out there when he’s pissed and trying to ignore me.

So, left alone in my ratty chair I did some poking of my own.  What is this ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ thing anyway?  I found a forum (thank you TimeThief) and got the deets.  I got the 411.  I got the skinny.  Okay (sorry), yeah, I figured it out.  I put the laptop to sleep and brushed my teeth and got on with my day.  But I was amped a little.  I’m in sales.  I know marketing.  But still… I was nominated.  And no, I did not tell my angry husband that there is no chance I am actually winning any actual trophy or anything.

Brandon

Big Project

I worked on my Big-Back-Yard-Project and having determined The Project is one of the numerous reasons my husband is pissed, decided to enlist his help on the heavy lifting and electric tool portion of the job.    He did the work without suggesting the correct (his) way to do the thing- which had to be excruciating for him – and he generally wallowed in the ‘I’m a big fucking martyr’ role all day and I found I rather enjoyed it.  I, after all, had been nominated for a writing award.

Back at the laptop (which appears to be at peace with all incoming scripts),  I debated whether I would continue with the award meme (yes, I looked it up.  It’s a real word).  I clicked on Brandon’s other blog nominees. I found some I liked. I checked out some of their blogrolls and found even more blogs I liked.  On one of the blogs I liked,  the author, Selah Aran,  invited her readers to write her a real letter.. with paper.. and a stamp, which I did.  It is still sitting on my desk with a stamp on it but I am going to mail it.   I subscribed to her blog and a few others.    I made some comments and ‘liked’ a few.  Some of them looked back at my blog.  I got a couple of  ‘likes’ on my posts.  And comments.   So. Yeah.  I win.

As for the seven things about me.. do I have to?  I’m not really in to that.. besides, there are at least seven suggestions about me in the above blog post.  Assume anything you wish.  Clearly, I can tolerate being ignored, not liked, not appreciated, endlessly nagged and all my faults pointed out constantly –  oh, wait- that’s not you –  either way.. I’m not that interesting.   I prefer to tell you the reasons I am nominating the following blogs:

  • unremarkablecontradictions: Dry. Witty. Succinct. Funny.
  • Beetches Love This Site: I don’t know why this site makes me laugh.  I raised girls.
  • Neva Paints: Hilarious.  Smart. A work in progress but the blog posts are funny.
  • Searing Education:  Health.  Spirituality (not religion).
  • Shenanigans:   Random anger and humor.
  • FML:  Not really a blog but it makes me laugh
  • Burk Krohe:  Good writing.  A little uptight and always grammatically excellent but pokes enough fun of himself to make it interesting and ..funny.
  • The Gypsy Paints: More of Neva Paints.. funny..
  • Brainrants: Funny, funny.. is there a pattern here?
  • Lisakusko: Funny and informative. There.. I do have a brain..
  • Talker96: I’m not really sure what the deal is here but I kept reading and reading.. it was.. yeah, funny.  And for some reason I like that guy..
  • Flehman Response: .. yeah.. funny..
  • I just can’t do this anymore.. It’s nearly 2:30 AM and tomorrow is punkin’ patch day.  10 is plenty.  It has taken me a week to write this and find ten blogs I would actually read here.. not that there aren’t plenty of good blogs.. but I’m busy .. and since WP won’t allow click ads I still have to work sometimes.. So that’s it.  Here are the rules if you should decide to play along.. thanks again, Brandon..

If you choose to accept the award, the following are the rules:

1.  Thank the person who shared the award with you by linking back to them in your post.

2.  Pass this award to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know that you included them in your blog post.

3.  List 7 things about yourself.
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Cool MomMy mom now has a blog.  Nevapaints.  It’s funny.  She’s

a good writer.  I am guessing it will be wildly popular.  It has almost inspired me to get a real job.  Soon.

http://nevapaints.blogspot.com/

Too Cool for a Rocker

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Get Out Of The Way!!

Whaaaaatt?Okay, so I get that great care should be taken when driving a 4000 pound vehicle where pedestrians are milling around – like the Walmart parking lot.  But seriously.  Get the fuck out of the way.

I mean, is it just me or has the flow of traffic in parking lots taken a turn for the worse?   When 7 cars are stopped for two or three slow, fat, smart-assy pedestrians who would actually be going backwards if they walked any slower, I cannot be the only driver thinking, fuck it, hit them.  Or at least drive up really close to their fat asses  and honk like hell.

Courtesy, safety, caution.. I get it.  It just doesn’t make sense for 7 cars to stop for 1.5 minutes to wait for these inconsiderate pukes to lolly-gag their asses across the driveway when it would take only 1/2 a  minute for all 7 cars to get past the cross-walk making it perfectly safe and convenient for them to stroll at their leisure any old way they wish.

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